THE LOVE OF HATE. March 27, 2024 

Welcome to the latest ONLINE Knowledge and Power.

Knowledge and Power is a bi-weekly communication distributed exclusively to our ONLINE community. It is designed to empower you with important information and action.

On June 04, 2021, the first Bursting Through story, The Love of Hate, was published in Las Vegas PRIDE Magazine. It began “When you are queer you have a lot of hate thrown at you for as long as you can remember” and continued by explaining what I meant by the love of hate, how I experienced it, and how it is activated.

Until then, I had never talked about the love of hate. It had been an internal phrase, something I had kept close, and something I had been too afraid to call out. I don’t know if I coined it or heard it and made it mine but it’s been with me since I was a teenager.

The love of hate is best described as looking at someone and simultaneously seeing hate in their eyes and a smile on their lips. More specifically it is when I see the hate/joy combination as they are focused on me for being gay and enjoying hating me for it.

The first time I clearly remember experiencing the love of hate was in high school. It initially appeared in an evil eye/smile combination as the word “faggot” rolled off a classmate’s tongue. It continued when I nearly got my ass kicked by a few happy homophobes at a weekend party. It escalated when I was told through a smile at a summer barbeque that if I didn’t leave town my “faggot ass would be dead.”

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My encounters with the love of hate lessened when I went to college and found a career in an industry that was Queer friendly. I didn’t think about or consciously experience it from 1995 – 2015. I knew the love of hate had not mysteriously vanished but it no longer appeared in the world I had built.

In 2015 I was living in NYC working as a corporate executive and living what I perceived as a safe life until I turned on the TV one evening. Donald Trump was emerging as a political figure and the major news networks had begun covering his rallies.

The reporter was interviewing rally attendees. Every person the reporter spoke to had the love of hate on their faces. It didn’t matter what the question or topic was, each rallygoer managed to find a way to gleefully talk about how much they hated people unlike them.

Why revisit a story I wrote 3 years ago or a news segment I saw 9 years ago? Because the love of hate got stronger and more mainstream. I naively thought the hate people were throwing at my community was on the decline and MAGA’s volume would be turned down after Trump’s 2016 defeat.

When I started Bursting Through it was to share stories that expanded people’s experience with love. What I continue to see in the United States collective consciousness is stories that expand people’s definition of hate.

Despite that, Bursting Through exists as an agent of change and to connect people through love and Allyship. With every KNOWLEDGE and POWER, I will share new information and repeat what needs to be reemphasized even when uncomfortable. I encourage you to embrace and share what you learn and use it to help create the society we all want and deserve.



I have shared this information before. I will continue to share it because it’s awful, horrific, and real.

Between June 2022 and April 2023, ADL and GLAAD documented at least 356 anti-LGBTQ+ extremist and non-extremist incidents motivated by hate across the United States

Incidents range from intimidating organizers and attendees at drag shows, to bomb threats against hospitals that offer health care for LGBTQ+ people. These attacks are well-orchestrated, executed, and funded.

The funds of the anti-gay movement are overflowing. In 2016, 11 anti-gay groups reported taking in more than $87 million through donations, grants, and other noncash contributions. In 2020 these groups took in over $110 million and their revenue continues to grow.

The anti-gay groups have won significant battles at all levels of American government and society — from local school boards to the federal courts. You are seeing the results of their work specifically through things like book bans.


The biggest myth about the anti- LGBTQ+ movement is that it is rooted in a traditional, conservative, or religious belief about sexuality and marriage.

The fact is their primary function is engaging in inflammatory, hateful name-calling, and spreading malicious lies and misinformation about the Queer Community.


I have said this before and will continue to say it; YOU ARE POWERFUL! Organized hate and the people who love to hate will unfortunately always exist but your powerful voice can turn down their volume.

Stop lies about the LGBTQ+ community in their tracks.

You are smart, powerful, and have good instincts. You know

nonsense when you hear it.

You don’t have to know everything about the LGBTQ+ experience

to counteract fear-mongering.

If you need backup you have resources like Bursting Through at

your fingertips through your Substack APP.

Normalize loving out loud and not being polite to hate.

I am not suggesting putting your safety in jeopardy, but we too often nod along to hate and ignorance because we are conditioned to be polite.

Being polite is a good thing but isn’t required if someone is being willfully ignorant and gleefully hateful.

Walking away from hate and ignorance and taking your smart friends with you is powerful.

Empower yourself and those in your network to know more and take more steps to counteract hate.

Book a Bursting Through Allyship Activation or Storytelling Workshop for your family and friends. This can be done in person or virtually.

Suggest that your community center or library install a Bursting Through Allyship Activation or invite me to deliver a “ Love of hate” keynote anywhere your community gathers

Share this story with EVERYONE you know.

Organized hate is a danger to us all.

On the last KNOWLEDGE AND POWER about interconnectivity, I

wrote “Pain, grief, anger, and fear do not understand how to target someone based on sexual orientation and/or gender identity.”

We need to expand on that truth. “Pain, grief, anger, fear, and HATE do not understand how to target someone based on sexual orientation and/or gender identity.”


I strongly believe that knowing about the love of hate, helping others see the love of hate, and calling it out diminishes its impact on us all.

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